Greetings from Carrboro,
The leaf won’t budge. Not an inch. In fact, the shiny new leaf that I had planned to turn over seems glued, nailed, and riveted to the ground with a rather large, angry gorilla standing on it for good measure. Again. December is like that. Well, December is like that for me.
The truth is that the holiday version of me is never quite the valiant lad dreamt of during some wrongheaded October reverie. It’s usually at about this point in December that I recognize that Mr. Holiday has long since tucked tail and run off willy-nilly in search of Donner and Blitzen – leaving me to my own devices. The only other fantasy persona of mine that folds with such feckless gusto is the summer farmer. While the farmer leaves carcasses of dead plants on the side of the house for months, still in their little grey trays, Mr. Holiday seduces me into thinking that I’m crafty. And hyper-organized. As if I could knit a lovely sweater for my daughter out of those damned plant trays. All by Christmas. A siren should go off any time I find myself on Pinterest in November just to remind me that I’m screwed.
Oh, well. Lucky for me, this is not my first ho-ho-ho-deo. And so when I wake up in a panicky sweat in the middle of the night, I can placate my holiday fears. Maybe that should be my first tattoo – right forearm – “People like gift certificates.” Because it’s so true. And because it’s so easy. You can wipe out your entire gift list while binge watching Game of Thrones. In your jammies. And I know you’re wondering, “Does Acme have gift certificates?” And to that I answer, “Why yes, yes we do.” Might I add that they make lovely gifts, too. With the wonders of the digital age, they can appear under the virtual tree as fast as Santa gets down that chimney. Of course, you can also buy them at the restaurant, if you feel so inclined. Either way, who doesn’t want to open a big helping of delicious on Christmas?
The Acme Gift Certificate. For any amount. Give those knitting needles a rest. The holidays just got a whole lot easier.
Well, that’s all the news from Carrboro. The staff at Acme look forward to serving you soon.
Cheers,
The staff at Acme
Reservations: 919 929 2263 or online