Greetings from Carrboro,
So what if it’s on my iPhone. Completely could be hacked. You must admit that under some honest scrutiny, this “idea” that Valentine’s Day is truly on the 14th starts to fall apart like a bad perm on a rainy day. For one, it’s not called “February 14th day.” And wouldn’t you call it that if it were actually on the 14th? Because we don’t we call Friday, “Monday?” Do we? Enough said. I understand that the “fact” that Valentine’s Day is the 14th is supported by media “facts” and corporate “group think.” Please. We’ve been here before. Hellooo, moon landing. But, at Acme, we see some alternative facts that come to light when we peak behind the veil of truth.
If you look closely, you can see that Valentine’s Day has 13 letters. Not 14. If that doesn’t scream “CLUE,” well, you’ve clearly never watched Law & Order. Shame on you. And, then, to those unacquainted to the ancient signs, you can see that “Valentine’s Day” is an anagram of “liven any dates.” ANY date! You see that! I mean, you must feel that old corporate “truth” crumbling in your lap like a bad scone. So, go ahead. It’s OK. Drop that sucker in the trash. Face facts – clearly, from all this amazing empirical evidence, Valentine’s Day is, without a doubt, on Monday, February 13th. Not the 14th. You see that, right? **drops the mic. (Sometimes, it just feels good to be right.)
So this is all I ask. It’s your Valentine’s Day – take it back! And get on the bandwagon to freedom! And Love! And the love of freedom! And to help you feel all that love, Acme is not standing idly by. No way, Carrboro. We will stand shoulder to shoulder with you and dole out free strawberry margaritas (while they last) to those of you brave enough to take a stand. Because the way we see it, if you’re going to drink the kool aid, you might as well make it a margarita. On the rocks. With salt. The Acme Alternative Valentine’s Day – Monday, February 13th from 5:30-9:30 in the evening. It’s gonna be HUUUUGE.
Well, that’s all the news from Carrboro. The staff at Acme look forward to serving you soon.
The Staff at Acme