Greetings from Carrboro,

There was a period in my life when I was terrified of quicksand. Not that suburban Charlotte was rife with these terrestrial traps. Hardly. It was much more the Saturday morning Tarzan movies and the always potent quicksand subplot that got to me. Whenever some poor soul found themselves slowly sinking into that abyss, I’d sagely whisper to whoever was sitting next to me, “the key is not struggling.” I never understood why the bad guys never figured that out.

I’ve got to assume that there’s a direct link between my early quicksand phobia and my latter day preternatural distrust of Valentine’s Day. Clearly you’re knee deep in both before figuring out that you’re trapped, the natural instinct is to struggle mightily and try in vain to get out, and, usually, you don’t have any of the tools required to escape and, sadly, not a single scantily clad chimpanzee-raised hero nearby to swoop in to the rescue. Oh, my. What to do?

Fellow adventurer, preparation is key. And, well, not struggling. There’s another crucial component – not to be seduced by denial. It’s always the bad guys in the khaki suits who suffer from jungle hubris and never think that they’ll get caught. Let me assure you, Valentine’s Day is inevitable; it’s on the calendar – in 26 days to be exact. Tick-tock.

So the way I see it, right now you’re about ankle – maybe mid-shin – deep. Not bad. Escaping without too much suffering is completely possible. This is where preparation comes in. And, well, that you don’t wait too long. Remember, everyday you get a little deeper. That’s where we come to the rescue. Minus the loincloth. Most definitely, minus the loincloth. 

Valentine’s Day at Acme. Tuesday, February 14th. Reservations available starting today. Twiddling your thumbs and letting an undergrad steal your reservation is always an option. But don’t expect some Tarzan to show up and save you; he and Jane probably have plans.

This weekend @ Acme: Perfect Shooting Point oysters. Pecan-crusted fried chicken. Acme wedge salad. Cast iron skillet crab cakes. Southern mushroom pie. Butterscotch pudding. Barrel-aged negronis. Braised beef short ribs. Shrimp chile relleno. Acme cornbread. Fish & chips. Deviled Eggs. Oysters Rockefeller. Glazed root vegetable risotto. Chicken liver paté. Firsthand Foods pork chop. Pink bubbly. Acme carrot cake. Delicious starts here. 

Well, that’s all the news from Carrboro. The staff at Acme look forward to serving you soon.

Cheers,

The Staff at Acme